30 posts tagged “thoughts”

I recently had that classic laundry disaster: washed a burgundy skirt with a load of other, lighter colored clothes.  The funny thing was some of the newly "pinked" items may still work out, even if they can't be worn by their original owner...

For example, I had just gotten this cute little shirt and hat for Miles.  They were blue and white when I put them in the washer.... when they came out they looked like this:

now purple and pink!

I realized this wasn't the end of the world... though it is the end of the plan for them to be worn by Miles.  Instead, the next little baby girl I know will get to wear them!  Still cute, right?  

I thought I might be on a roll here.... all the previously white or blue items could become lovely little girl items!  I love recycling and redeeming!  I thought I was onto quite the plan...

...Until I pulled this shirt out:

hmmmm....

Even really thinking outside the box here, I don't think I can think of anyone who would want to put a lavender shirt that says "little brother" on their baby.

Oh well.  I guess the recycling ends here. 

• How come the more thought-full I become, the less "thoughtful" I am?  That thoughtful word is strange for me.  If I truly want to be thoughtful and considerate of those around me, I have to not have too many other thoughts in my head.  The more I'm thinking about, the more irritable I get with people around me.

• How come I used to think getting my eyebrows waxed was so excruciating?  Now when I go to the salon to have them done, I feel like it's a mini-vacation.  I get to lie down, sometimes there's soft music playing, no one is asking me to do anything for them during the whole 10 minutes...  Last time I almost fell asleep.  I certainly don't even notice the waxing part.  Maybe after going through childbirth all other pain is relative.

• And speaking of eyebrows, I heard someone say the other day that the more you pluck the same hairs, the less grows back because you build up scar tissue underneath the skin.  So, is the same principle at work when we "pluck" the same ol' nasty sins out of our lives over and over again?  Can I be building up scar tissue so less comes back?  I sure hope so!

• And how long has it been since the soap dispenser in the bathroom was dumped out by someone and refilled with just water?  Exactly how long have the kids been washing their hands with that??

Now I need to get all these thoughts out of my head, so I can start being a little more thoughtful!

Last week I read an article in Newsweek about stress, and the author referenced a classic scientific study that has been done with rats.  Knowing that exercise is good for rats, as it is for humans, they yoked 2 rats together on a running wheel.  One rat could exercise whenever he wanted, and his brain “bloomed with new cells.”  The second rat, though, was at the mercy of the first one and was forced to run whenever the first one did.  His brain actually lost brain cells, and the conclusion is that even though exercise is good for both rats, the second one couldn’t perceive it as the healthy workout that it was, simply because he had no control over it.

This really distressed me, because my brain was screaming “I am that 2^nd rat!”  (I won’t go so far as to say that God is the rat in control, but seeing myself as a rat is an image my brain can definitely wrap around.)  Much as I grasp for control in all things, I will never fully have it.  And knowing that there are times I will be forced to “run” when I don’t want to, and won't be allowed to when I do want to, does really stress me out at times.

So what is the solution?  I really cannot afford to lose any more brain cells!  If getting off the running wheel is not an option, and being in control is not possible, must I always be stressed?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot the last few days.  One conclusion that is starting to form in my brain is that when God causes me to run when I don’t want to, it’s not about making me more comfortable.  This, however, IS usually my goal – to stay comfortable.  And to maintain my self-delusional sense of control.  But what if I could surrender these goals completely and just enjoy the ride?  (Because we know the good news is that we don’t actually have to do the running by ourselves.  He even gives us eagle’s wings when we need them!  And this is one way the “rat” analogy breaks down… otherwise we have some very funny looking winged rats.)

I think that I want to control my own workout time – as if I know how much and what kind of exercise I need.  But for God, it’s not about checking off the box that the exercise got done.  It’s about teaching me flexibility, humility, obedience, wisdom…  ultimately a character that is much more familiar to Him.

This morning while Strider and Rayna were at their classes, I prepared to take Colsen and Miles for a walk.  A number of things had to fall into place and get done before we were finally ready to go, as all moms understand.  J  Eventually we got out the door, though, and I had it in my mind that we would head into the town center.  Before we got to the end of the driveway, Miles started to wail.  The screams got louder and louder as we went, and finally a couple of blocks later, I realized he wasn’t going to enjoy this walk.  I was forced to turn around and head back home to get him a pacifier, and realized my journey was going to have to be in a much smaller circular shape than I had wanted.   In my earlier parenting days (such as up until yesterday… and probably even as late as tomorrow) I would have been very frustrated by this change in plans, but today, since I had been mulling over the Lesson of the Rats, I tried to see what I should be learning from this.  It didn’t take long to realize that our walk destination was really not all that important, and if this interruption and reminder of my lack of control could teach me even a small bit of patience and surrender, then I was immeasurably better off than any walk could have made me.

The other piece of good news I have been reminded of is that God does not see me as a rat.  I am His beloved child and He has wonderful things for me, though sometimes it may just look like running on a wheel from my point of view.  A verse that has stuck in my head recently is what Peter said to the people who were suffering:  “These [trials] have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold… may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”  What a mindshift that is to me.  I am praying that that becomes my goal more and more.  It’s good to know the running we’re doing has a destination – it’s not just a goofy wheel!

Miles - Day 5

In case you were wondering (a few have asked), here is how we arrived at his name…

First of all, the name Miles means “merciful.”

 Last year, Pete designated 2008 as a “Year of Mercy” for our family, with the basic intent that we would be intentional about trying to show mercy to others consistently throughout the year.  I can’t say we were tremendously successful at that in terms of our actual actions, but perhaps this child, conceived in that year, will show the world great Mercy in future years.

Although I originally was not a fan of the name…. see my initial thoughts, back in October, here:    I have gradually come around to like it.  But the clincher for me was when we were having a verbal tug-of-war over 2 different names, and Pete said, “I don’t know… it’s just when I put my hand on your belly and feel him, I just think his name is Miles.”  How could I argue with THAT??  So within 12 hours after hearing that comment, I was on-board.

And because I like themes and patterns and consistency throughout things, I immediately set to work to try and figure out how Miles would fit in with our other children.  I told Pete I had come up with this sentence to tie us all together: 

Striding along, under the Rays of the sun, through seasons of hot and Cold, we journey through the Miles of life, and for Pete’s sake, we try to be Amiable. 

Pete said I was pushing it too much.  I don’t care, though…   I’m sticking with it.  ("Corny" should be my middle name.)  If anyone can come up with a better sentence, I would definitely love to hear it!  (Don't let me down, Mom!)

And, to keep up with our other patterns, Quentin was the ideal middle name.  First of all, it’s the name of a character from a trilogy of books from one of my favorite authors, Stephen Lawhead.  Quentin, similar to the characters our other boys are named after, starts off as a humble boy, but ends up as a king in the end, after a long journey of Truth searching and character testing.  (And Quentin starts with Q, so we kept the pattern of “S,R, Q, P” (alphabetical letters backwards) with the 4 kids (first or middle names), as was one of my goals in our initial name search).

So, that was the thought progression.  Oh- -- and it was pretty unanimous among the kids, too.  Every time we tried to suggest a different boy name, we kept hearing, "No!  We want Miles!"  And I have to say it's pretty darn cute hearing Colsen call him "Baby Miles" all the time...

There's a concept in the business world known as the Peter Principle, which basically says that if a person is doing well in his current position, he will be given more responsibilities.  And as those responsibilities increase, along with the corresponding promotions, he will eventually reach a point at which he has maxed out and has reached a level that he can no longer effectively handle.  (This could explain why so many leaders of corporations are incompetent.... but that is a different topic for another day.)

What I've been thinking about is how the Peter Principle might relate to the lives of families.  I imagine there are some couples out there who think "Married life isn't so hard.... let's try having a baby!"  And the extra responsibilities begin.  And for some couples, such as for Pete and me, having that one child was enough to send us around the bend and try very hard to not do THAT again for at least a few more years.  But then eventually a rhythm to life settles in and the couple looks at each other and says something to the effect of "Well, this isn't SO bad... I bet we could handle another one."  And so on, and so on.

Of course in our case, we didn't so much plan these last couple children as be shocked, but then happy they were going to arrive.  However, we have pursued adopting more children a couple of different times, so we had apparently reached that point where we were ready to accept some new responsibilities... or so we thought.  And there are still a few days here and there where life at our house might not be exactly humming along, but it's not jolting and careening enough for us to panic either.   And there are many days where we are very, very thankful, and just want MORE of whatever we have.

But then there are those other days which DO make me panic and think, "How in the world are we going to handle 33.3% MORE child in this house?  We can't even manage the 3 we already have!"  And I've been having several of those days lately, which is not good timing.

Entropy happens everywhere, I know, but I feel like I have 6 little extra hands here helping it move along in fast-forward.  I've had several melt-downs to this effect lately...     For instance, I spend a lot of time and precious energy cleaning the wood floors (finally) and then approximately 20 minutes later walk in to find smears of peanut butter and crumbles of rice cake all over!   Or, I feel like I'm finally being productive downstairs in our school room helping Rayna with her reading.... and then realize that the peaceful atmosphere is solely due to the fact that Colsen has occupied himself with destroying all my makeup upstairs.  It all gets to be a little much sometimes, as I'm sure every mother can attest to.

So what if that Peter Principle were true, and welcoming this 4th child will push us over the ledge of barely functioning in a positive direction, to a complete state of incompetence??  How can I possibly win against 8 little hands assisting Team Entropy??

Yet I know there are other Truths at work in this world.  In fact, there are other "Peter Principles" that can be gleaned from a book far superior to this business tome -- from the Book that is divinely written.  The New Testament Peter reminds us that our weaknesses are not the final word.  There is power available to us that can enable us to walk on water.  There is a calling for each of us to be part of something bigger than what we alone could do.  And above all, there is great forgiveness given to us, even when we totally blow it -- which in my case is happening all too often lately. 

So, it is good to know that God has ordained purposes for both Simon Peter and the Peter Frank family, and despite our levels of incompetence, He has victory and abundant life in store for us!

Scallions

Am I the last person to find out about this?  I may very well be, but I'm excited about it nevertheless.

When we were visiting my bro and sis-in-law in California recently, I noticed that Keiko had the ends of some scallions stuck in a bowl of water.  Knowing that she often has some good Japanese tips for cooking, I asked her about them and she told me that after you use up the onion, you can stick the white end in some water and they'll grow back!

So I tried it this past week, thinking it would be a long-term science experience we could all enjoy.  To my surprise, they grew back in a matter of couple days -- this picture was taken a week after I put the white parts in water.  Even Strider is impressed (although I have to keep calling them scallions -- if he ever gets wind of the fact that they're also called green onions, he will never go near them again).

Anyway, isn't this cool?  As Strider says, "We'll never have to buy scallions again!"  Talk about a "buy-one-get-some-free" deal! 

In these economically-challenged days, it's good to find a food that re-grows itself!

I've been pondering this question lately.... What things need to fall in place for me to feel like I've had a full, fulfilling day?  Some days just feel like everything is in sync, and despite whatever peanut butter ends up on the carpet or how many toddler tantrums must occur, the day still feels "good."  Other days, even when I get to do a lot of "fun" things, I still go to bed restless and feeling incomplete.  So what are the goals for me?  Well, here is what I've come up with so far.

A complete day would include:

1. a time for reflection, reading, absorbing Truth
2. purposeful worship
3. music (listening to, and/or singing)
4. eating some healthy, homemade food
5. eating some probably-not-healthy-but-yummy treats (usually will involve chocolate)
6. exercise of some sort (going up the stairs a few times counts.  Nothing strenuous to make me sweat, though, please!)
7. taking some deep breaths
8. getting some fresh air outside
9. doing something creative and/or productive (this can be as simple as creating a notecard for someone, putting some flowers in a vase, or even changing the water filter in my Brita pitcher)
10. communicating with someone who lives outside this house

And that's about it.  I've noticed that cleaning my house is not on this list (although there are some non-negotiables, like at least wiping the kitchen counters in the evening, etc). 

Of course my favorite times are when I can combine several of these activities at once, such as doing 7, 8, 6, and 3 at one time.  Or, better yet, 5 and 10 at once.  Much more efficient that way.  :)

So that's my list...  It's a good thing I don't have a full-time job, because I don't see room to that fit in anywhere.  I can barely fit in a very part-time job (which counts as #9 when it does occur). 

I'm curious to hear what other people would put on their lists...  If you come up with yours, let me know!

Yesterday I was wearing some warm clothes, since it was freezing, and I decided to put a non-maternity vest over my shirt.  I knew I looked a little funny, but was just happy I could get it zipped over my very large belly.  Pete smiled when he saw me, and when I started to make some defensive comments about how I couldn't find anything else to wear, and it was warm, even if it didn't look good, etc., he was quick to reassure me. 

"No," he said, "you look cute!  I like that look."

So I was feeling better about myself...

Until he added,

"It kind of reminds me of that scene from "Tommy Boy" where Chris Farley puts on David Spade's coat." 

And he proceeded to sing the "Fat guy in a little coat" song for me.

I'm thinking this was NOT a compliment.

(Here's the link to the scene if you haven't seen it:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YWwQZp7r_8&feature=related)

 WARNING:  There is some offensive language in this scene, unfortunately.

Relatively speaking, our home has been a pretty happy place the last couple days, and I attribute that largely to 2 main things (aside from God's ever-present grace):

1.)  A new behavioral system chart

2.) A teacher work-day today

The behavior around here had been slipping big-time -- to the point where Pete and I were getting quite desperate for some new ideas for how to get the obedience back.  So after some brainstorming and consultation with other parents, we created a new behavioral point system (strangely reminiscent of the system we had to use when we were houseparents for court-ordered teen-age boys in Pennsylvania...  )  We implemented it yesterday by posting it on the fridge, and the kids have been very receptive.  Very receptive.  I know this is likely to only last a short time until it too falls along the wayside, but for now I'm enjoying all of the pleasant attitudes and eagerness to help around here, as they try to "move up a space" on the chart.  Strider was following me around all day yesterday asking me if I wanted more water or if he could get me some candy.  Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!

Ah, the joy of a new chart

And then I decided that we needed to take a "teacher work-day," a.k.a. vacation day from school so I could tend to some of the suffocating clutter around here.  The first step was to make it all seem like Strider's idea.  So a couple days ago I casually mentioned that Veteran's Day was Tuesday.  He asked how people celebrate it and when I mentioned, among other things, that sometimes schools give that day off, he started jumping up and down asking if WE could have that day off.  Step 1 accomplished, and I looked like such a giving, compromising mom.

So today we spent the whole morning shoveling out all kinds of toys and junk from our living room, and the kids' bedrooms.  And even though "school" was not in session, I personally learned a couple key points:  that removing 50+ pounds of toys and games from this house would not cause anyone to miss them, and that the approximately 50 pencils I had bought a couple months ago to start the school year had NOT all magically disappeared as we had been thinking.  They were actually just in every single place they did not belong -- almost literally.

And now that I am pondering this, I think I might add a third reason for why this household has had a recent up-tick in happiness...  Today after a work tutoring session I had, I stopped by a couple of stores to do about 45 minutes of browsing.  It was the first time I had been in any store besides Super Wal-Mart in a couple months, so it was a delightful treat for me.  I was in awe of all the bright shiny things, and thoroughly enjoyed walking the aisles with no one talking to me for a little while.  I came home in a very pleasant mood.  And as we all know, when Mommy is happy, the rest of the family is happy, too.

Pete spent most of the last week in the Netherlands, which meant I had some time to practice my ol' 3-on-1 skills here around the house.  And these skills, despite their recent workouts, have really not improved much.  I'm starting to think the 3 kids simply enjoy causing me to spin around like a top so fast that I collapse at the end of the day on the couch, muttering incoherently.

Over the course of the last several days, here are a few of the tactics the kids put forth -- presumably to just try and keep my balance over my toes in an effort to improve both my posture and fitness level.  (They're so thoughtful):

• Colsen and Rayna played several rounds of their strategic game of "spill the drink."  The first step is for Rayna to not finish whatever drink I've poured for her, but instead to stealthily put it in some low-altitude location where I don't see it.  Then Colsen comes in for the big finish a little while later, dumping it all over himself, and if it will cause stickiness, as many other objects as he can find.   
• Another one of their sweet strategies is to play what I call the 2-1 split.  Two of them distract me by being obedient while the third turns into a terror-tornado in another corner of the house.  For example, yesterday I was starting to feel good about the fact that Strider was downstairs vacuuming and Rayna was dutifully picking up her room with me... until I realized Colsen was systematically destroying the bonus room.
• At one point I went to use the bathroom, but as I walked in I was greeted by a most unpleasant sight (excuse the graphic descriptions here)... involving a lot of liquid NOT in the toilet.  Using my great powers of deduction, I called the primary suspect into the room.  He denied it at first, and then said, "Oh, this is probably what happened when I tried to go to the bathroom without turning on any lights."  All in the name of science experiments, right?  So off I go to get the cleaning materials to thoroughly clean this room. As I finished up and was putting the supplies away, I found the other 2 lovely children quietly pulling food out of the fridge and eating it.  I finally got THAT taken care of, and thought, "Now what was I going to do?  Oh yeah, go to the bathroom."   Good thing my bladder is barely larger than a grape these days.
• Then there are other random efforts that they make to keep me fully engaged, ensuring my attention does not wander (again, so thoughtful of them), such as when Rayna keeps washing her new stuffed sea otter in the sink (I guess because I told her otters like to swim?) and then shaking the wet thing all over the wood floors that aren't supposed to get wet.  Or, Colsen helping me dump his lunch tray all over the floor (right after I had just cleaned it thoroughly), spreading gooey yogurt and mushy kiwi everywhere.  Or Colsen wanting to "help" me clean the bathroom sink -- by either continually turning and and off the light switch until I feel like I'm at a horrible disco, or squeezing soap all over the place.  Or Strider kindly organizing "new sports" for all of them to play whenever I tried to get on the phone with a serious call -- sports that inevitably involve loud shrieking protests from the other players.  Or Colsen dragging a stool all over various rooms so he can now get to things I put out of his reach on purpose.  And then when I take the stool, he doesn't even cry, sweet child.  He just runs and gets a different one, and starts over in another room.  Believe me, I could go and on and on (and you thought I already had!).

The arena in which we play this fun game was also breaking down this week.  Our house seemed to know Pete was out of town, so several things broke.  At one point I even had to go over and get our neighbor Mark to fix our garage door so it didn't have to stay open in its broken state all through Halloween night.  And my body, too, was not in top-form...  I had some sort of pregnancy-related lower back pain that caused me to waddle like a duck for the whole weekend.  This gave those high-energy little people a definite advantage.

In all fairness, there were certainly some sweet moments over the last several days as well.... such as when Strider took over the manly chores of the house in Pete's absence, and when I heard Colsen tell Rayna "I love you Rayna" as they rode together in the bike trailer one day, and when Rayna told me randomly one day, "You're the sweetest girl I've ever met!"   I think the kids plan these sweet moments to come at just the right times, so that I will continue to suit up for the game each day.  They really don't want it to be a blow-out game, since that would be boring.

All the same, though, I was thinking about how in the not-too-distant future, if Pete goes on another trip, it will become 4-on-1.  Scary thought.  He's been talking about wanting to go to Colorado with his friends for a week next summer...  but I think he will be wise enough to not bring that trip up in discussion with me for at least a few weeks.   As we were driving home from picking him up at the airport last night, the van was quite loud, and at one point he yelled, "You 3 are all talking to me at once!!"  Welcome home, Peter.  It's good to have my teammate back.  2-on-3 isn't quite so bad... even if we never quite win.